Love Letter From Beyond

As I noted in the previous blog, my parents had separated over a year before dad passed away - with the intention of getting back together! - yet the separation was necessary in order for healing and reconciliation and - dare I say - that God might become the center of the family once again (at the least, the center of each of our lives again). During this period of separation my dad wrote a letter to my mom which he apparently folded up and placed in the bottom of a box somewhere, never to be discovered until after he passed away.

What follows is a peeling back of a man; the exposure of a soul in all its shame, ugly guilt and scars and at the same time its hope and expectation for a powerful God-centered life of reconciliation.

And now, the letter:
____________________________________

Dear Wendy, Feb 26/08

Self loathing, I hate myself
Passive
Irresponsible
Coward
Deceitful
Thoughts of suicide
Boastful
Proud
Self centered/serving
Angry
Bitter
Rejected
Withdrawn
Avoids conflicts
Fearful
____________________

I [am] writing this letter to ask ["ask" is scratched out] beg for your forgiveness. What I have done deserved what I recieved - our separation. No Excuses. My prayer is that Jesus restore our marriage.

Please know that God is at work [in] my life. He has revealed and shown me things about myself that explain[s] why I did what I did. I was not a good friend, husband, lover, father and grandfather.

In explanation I can only state that God showed me Proverbs 23:7 states "As a man thinks in his heart, so does he become". I became the very things I never wanted to be. But, thanks be to Jesus, for the love He has shown me. Jesus has taken the roots of my problems, and is replacing them with Himself. He is taking the old man replacing him with the new man. I know this will take time. I believe that this time of separation will turn out for good. Jesus will make me new. He will take this time to mould and make me the person He designed me to be. A good friend, husband, lover, father and grandfather, as I put into practice those lessons He's shown me. Will I be perfect[?] no, but I will grow "in the grace of the Lord". If you allow it, I will make you fall in love with me again. I will do whatever it takes. You are my treasure from God, and I will treat you as precious every day that you and God let me. This [is] a time for us to draw near to God, the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit our guide. And I am using this time to do just that. I will never change if I don't. My journey this far has been awesome. I'm learning things I never understood before. Like God so desires a relationship with us He will do whatever it takes to achieve this. He started by giving us Jesus, and His sacrificial atonement for us. Awesome!

I know you don't trust me, that's okay trust our Lord and Saviour Jesus instead. All the things that you prayed and hoped, believed and faithfully waited for Jesus to make me ARE coming to fruitation. I'm just sorry that is took so long.

You ARE precious to me. Let me show you how precious you really are to me.

My love Always,
Yours in Christ

Ken

_____________________________________________________

My dads letter above is laced thick with good theology; consider the reference to the Trinity, the Atonement and the 'new man', but of particular interest is the connection he made between a husbands reconcilation with his wife and God's reconcilation with us!

Consider the phrase he wrote describing his strong desire to reconcile his relationship with my mom: "If you will allow it I will make you fall in love with me again I will do whatever it takes. You are my treasure from God" and the theological connection dad made with God's strong desire to reconcile us to Himself by doing "whatever it takes": "I'm learning things I never understood before. Like God so desires a relationship with us He will do whatever it takes to acheive this. He started by giving us Jesus, and His sacrificial atonement for us. Awesome!"

My dad finally grasped the concept that love and reconcilation required a sacrifice of the greatest depth; for most of his life he could not accept the fact that God loved (someone like) him so much that He would die if it meant reconcilation (which God did), until his final year on earth when the fact became an illustrated reality, that my dad himself loved my mom so much that he would die for her if it meant reconcilation.

And one glad morning, the morning when all things reach their consumation, the morning when creation is restored, on the shores of a new earth - a paradise for all who are "in Christ"... on that day mom and dad will recieve their full and long awaited perfect reconcilation as the walk the sand along the crystal sea hand in hand.

We love you dad / we painfully miss you / and we look forword to seeing you again.

Derek

and Family